Brian's car has been sold and
the money put in Brian's estate to pay mortgage payments. The
house is up for sale, but no one comes to look at that beautiful
house because of the housing market. So we continue to make mortgage payments,
and keep the pool clean, pay for lawn maintenance, etc.
Most phone calls and emails have stopped coming in to us. Friends think
we are doing better because we are living our lives the best we can. But
this is not true. It has NOT gotten any easier at all. Most nightmares
have stopped, but we still cry every day for Brian. We are living because
we have no choice but living with broken hearts; but really what
we are doing is just marking time until the probate hearing and the trial.
We miss Brian so very much we find ourselves telling strangers about our
loss. So when I do hear from a friend and they say I sound better, I agree,
but it is not really true. I wonder if we will ever be better. But I know
it is hard for others to understand unless they have ever had a child
killed, and I do not wish that on anyone.
I had muscle spasms the other night and could not sleep
because they hurt so much. All I could think of was the pain
Brian felt as he was being killed and dying a lot worse than this pain
I am feeling now. I pray not, but I am sure it was. I can not
bear the thought that Brian was in pain and knew he was being killed.
I looked up the organization Parents of Murdered Children but there are
no meetings here in the Orlando or Central Florida area. My friend Jerry
did email me another organization that we will go to a meeting and see
if it helps .The Compassionate Friends. We sure could
use them now. Not knowing anyone who lives here makes it a lot harder.
MOTORHOME and CAR PROBLEMS: As you know, we live in
our motorhome, that we call AWO - All We Own. We had to put
the motorhome in for repairs. On the way there the car we were towing
caught on fire. People started beeping horns and yelling at us because we did
not realize the car was on fire. We pulled over and Lee took the fire
extinguisher and sprayed the car. A nice lady called the fire department
and the firemen were there in minutes. Then it started pouring rain as we waited
an hour for AAA to come tow the car for repair, then we continued our
journey to put the motorhome in for repair. Now we had no home and no
car. We rented a car and got a timeshare for two weeks. . We got the car back and between
the car repair and rental car we were down about $2500.
Then we got the car back but had to put the car back in for additional
repairs. Motorhome repair cost $20,400. Insurance paid most of it, thank
goodness.
Brian's dog China was hurting just as we are. She
is not adjusting to the moving around. First we had her in the motorhome,
now in a timeshare. She wants her own home back and her own master, but
that can never happen. When we move the motorhome, China really gets confused.
When we park the RV, China does not understand how the yard changes when she
goes outside. She follows Lee around every step he takes. A few times
she would be in a deep sleep and snoring and would wake up and go stand
in front of the door. I am guessing that she was dreaming that Brian was
coming for her because I could not get her to calm down and get away from
the door and go back to sleep. Poor China!
As I write this while in the timeshare, it is well after
midnight and the neighbors have their TV on so very loud that I could not
go to sleep if I wanted to. This is a nightly event so far with these
neighbors. I understand that they are in Orlando on vacation and just
having a good time. Wish I could say the same about us. How I wish we
could leave Orlando and never return. But as stated above, we still have
a probate hearing and a trial that will make us be here.
Epcot is having the food and wine festival now. Brian loved that each
year, and I cannot bear to go to it without Brian.
Sorry that I can not post happy news on my web site.
made a DVD of Brian's life and mailed it to family
members. I have not had much feedback on it, but the few who have
responded really raved about it. I know some people just are not
ready to look at it. While making the DVD, I got to re-live the moments
of Brian growing up and enjoyed it so much. It was not until I got
to the end that it was hard and I cried. So I am glad I made the DVD and
hope someday that each person who received a copy of Brian;s DVD
will enjoy it to whatever extent is possible. I just do not want
Brian to be forgotten. He deserved so much better.
OK a week has passed since I started this letter because the night
after I had the above-mentioned muscle spasms, Lee and I were taking a
walk and I suddenly could not breathe. I went to the Emergency
Room and was admitted for a week and got lots of torture shots.
Anyway, our two
weeks at the timeshare was up and the motorhome was not ready so we thought
we would be homeless, but got another timeshare for another week. Hopefully
the motorhome will be ready at that time. Poor China is getting more confused
every time we move.
Everybody remember that Tomorrow is not promised to any of us,
so live each day to the fullest and tell your loved ones how much they
mean to you. We will always love you Brian Lee Duquette and we are glad
you knew that!
November 1, 2008
We left Orlando on Halloween day and returned to Markham Park in Sunrise.
We cannot travel too far from Orlando for awhile because we are not done
settling Brian's estate, selling his house, etc. So we have settled in
Broward for the winter. We are enjoying spending
time with our daughter and grandchildren in their new house. Brian's dog
China is now living with Brian's sister, who already has two other big
dogs. China did not adjust very well to living in our motorhome because
she lacked stability, and did not understand a moving house
and a new backyard all the time. However, it is clear that China has become
attached to Lee, and at first she was upset because Lee was not around
every day and night, but eventually became well adjusted and happy.
Both our motorhome and car have been repaired finally. We both still cry almost all the time and probably always will.
Now, I am trying to post some new photos, a few at a
time, on this website that were previously taken. I am behind on photos
because I stopped posting them when Brian was murdered, but now I need
to occupy my mind and post the photos.
Almost every photo page has new photos - use the Photos button
above for photos - there are a
lot of photos on this site. Thanks to all my family and friends who continue
to show us support by keeping in touch, inviting us out, etc. We appreciate
the social invitations. I still don't want to believe that Brian is not
with us, especially now, through the holidays.
On Sunday, December 14, 2008
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting was held. This is
an annual event held the second Sunday in December. Through
a network of more than 600 chapters with locations in all 50 states, as
well as Washington DC and Puerto Rico, The Compassionate Friends has been
supporting bereaved families after the death of a child for nearly four
decades. Karen and Lee attended this event along with other bereaved families
in Davie, Florida. It was a very well organized ceremony, but we both
cried through it as thoughts of Brian enveloped our brains.
If you want more information about this organization , please go to http://www.compassionatefriends.org//home.aspx
